The problem with perfection

The problem with perfection is that no one is perfect.  Perfectionists don't realize this.  I know because I am one.  So, when someone points out a flaw in myself or in my work or in my child it really, really bothers me.  Like, it shakes me to the core.  I do everything in what I believe to be a perfect manner.  I can't wrap my mind around the concept of good enough.

Funny thing, though...I don't want my kiddo to be perfect or to think she is or to strive to be.  I don't want her to aspire to some unattainable goal.  Even funnier thing, I, being the paradox that I am, have a great deal of difficulty when she isn't.  I have to make a conscious effort to relax when things aren't perfect.

Another funny thing...in our relationships, we aren't perfect either.  I accepted that I'm not a perfect parent a long time ago.  I accepted that there is a good enough in parenting--it's called unconditional love.  Because I love her unconditionally, she forgives me when I'm less than perfect.  She's really good at forgiveness.  She doesn't even have to think about it. 

But,  in our adult relationships, it's a lot harder.  I actually believed (until recently) that I was a pretty perfect wife.  I mean, the house is always a mess and the laundry is never caught up, but I don't really consider that part of being a wife.  I'm referring to the part where you stand by your spouse, love them,  do all the rest of the stuff you promised in your vows (I didn't do 'traditional' vows FYI) and take care of your child or children. 

What I didn't do is stand back and see how that might look from the other side.  While I was busy caring for our child (perfectly), I wasn't communicating with my spouse about what we had planned that day.  I know everyone's schedule, but didn't make an effort to make sure anyone else knew what was going on.  What does all this mean to my spouse?  He feels left out...mostly because he HAS been.  Some of it is no one's fault, but some of it is my fault...and of course, some of it is his too.

And that's the problem with perfection.  Everyone has faults and makes mistakes, no matter how hard you try.  And hopefully, in those adult relationships, that unconditional love factors into the equation as well.  And when we're too busy being perfect, the other person is busy being forgiving.