Third time's a charm

Ok…it’s been another year since I’ve last written.  I’d be a crappy pen pal.  Do kids even have pen pals any more?  Ah, I digress.  Back to the topic at hand.  I have decided to start this up once again.  We’ll see if we can break my old record of one consecutive entry…

I’ve confessed this is more of a journal than a blog.  So, what’s currently troubling me?  My weight.  I hope to process some of my thoughts/feelings/emotions/etc through this medium and see where it takes me.

Some believe people pack on the pounds in an effort to bury emotions.  I don’t completely buy that.  I think there is a definite emotional component, but, at least in my case, that’s not the full problem.  Not that I think there is just one root to this complex issue, but I do think there are major players and minor ones.

I really believe that a large part of my problem is simply what and how I was taught to eat.  Not just the kinds of foods, but also the amounts.  To be completely honest, I don’t eat a lot of bad foods (unless I have PMS, then all bets are off).  I do eat too much.  I like the flavors of food, and I don’t know when to stop.  I routinely eat until I am overly full and miserable.  That is ridiculous!  What’s even more ridiculous is that I’ve taught all these bad habits to my daughter, who now also struggles with her weight. 

Shame.

I think “the others” (aka people who don’t struggle with their weights) think “we” (those of us who do struggle with our weights) are ashamed because of the way we look.  For me, it’s not how I look at all.  I honestly don’t give a darn about how I look.  But, I am ashamed.  What shames me the most is being a poor role model for my daughter.  She’s young enough that I’m the one responsible for her weight, activity level, etc.  I’ve failed her.

I also feel shame because I think of myself as a role model for the children I work with every day.  How can people (kids or adults) take me seriously about health when my own is so VISUALLY out of control?  I don’t think I’m as unhealthy as I look (based on weight alone), but I do think others might be inclined to think so.

Finally, I feel shame because I know there are things I don’t do because of my weight.  I don’t believe in myself like I once did.  I don’t worry as much about this for me as I should, but I do worry about it with my daughter.  I don’t want her to feel like she isn’t worth doing whatever her heart desires.  I used to feel as if I were, but that has died somewhat.

The Plan.

I’m a thinker, I always mull things over and think and rethink and rethink.  I’m a reasonably intelligent individual, so it’s not like I can’t figure this out.  Here’s my plan.

I recently read about the Step Diet.  It’s not really a diet, which might be why I kind of dig it.  Basically you walk (which should be easy, but I hate it) and cut down portions size.  Let’s face it folks, losing weight isn’t rocket science.  It’s simple mathematics (which happens to be a subject I’m pretty good at).  You have to burn more calories than you eat. 

So, you start with a pedometer, and you see how many steps you take in a “normal” day.  I’ll admit, this is a scary thought.  I’m pretty sure I’m going to be appalled at how little activity I do in a day.  Then, you add 500 steps to that (or a minimum of 2,000) each week until you’ve worked up to the magical 10,000 steps.  This is all while you cut your portions.  The goal is to cut portions by 25%, according to webmd.  So, I’m not sure if you are supposed to do this visually, or weigh things or what.  I’m going to use the cognitive/visual approach.  I think I can figure out what is 25%, and just be smarter about what I eat.  For example, today we ate lunch at a buffet and I didn’t get seconds.  WHOA!  How’s that for willpower.

Ok, that’s all for now.  Expect regular updates….no really, I’m gonna do it this time.