Effing Perfect

First, I'd like to say that I think blogger should come up with technology to automatically post what I write in my head as I try to fall asleep at night.  That, my friend, would be awesome.

So, I'm on yet another weight loss journey, and I do know part of my problem.  Part of my problem is that I want to perfect.  Now, I'm sure you are wondering how this could be for someone who is at least 100 pounds (and actually more) overweight.  Well, it's because of this all-or-nothing thinking I've got.  One of my best friends is in the mental health biz, and she says flexible thinking is hallmark to mental health.  Well, I hate to say it, but it's really a weak area for me.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be extraordinary.  I remember wanting those silly grade-level workbooks for Christmas and my birthday, and I wanted to be working on one that was AT LEAST 2 grade levels higher than my current grade.  Honestly, intellectually, I was probably a B-student, but mentally, I pushed myself to being a (near) straight A student.  Unfortunately, this carried on into adulthood.

One of my proudest moments was in nursing school during a student-teacher conference.  The nursing instructors met with each student individually to discuss their progress, grades, and general issues.  I will say I went to a school known to be one of (if not THE) most difficult program in the state, mostly because I'm totally bragging right now, so why not go all out?  Anyway, my instructors said this to me:  "Michelle, we are in a peculiar situation with you.  We've never had this happen before.  You currently have a 104%."  The class average was around 80% (which was required for passing, so most conversations (I was later told by my peers) were more like 'you have an 80%, it's critical you really buckle down so you can pass this class/program'.

Why does that matter?  Am I any more of a nurse because I was able to maintain a high percentage?  Absolutely not, so why do I strive for this? 

So, how does this relate to weight loss?  Well, I think I have eluded to this before, but it's because if I don't try, then I can't fail.  I stumbled on to this insight last night, but now, what do I do with it?  Well, my plan is to give myself very small goals (which, coincidentally, also decreases the chances of failure). 

My goal is to lose 50 pounds in the next year, or 4 pounds a month.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know this is what is recommended on all the commercials, but my DOCTOR even said if you have 100+ pounds to lose it's ok to lose even 15-20 pounds a month.  (As you can imagine, when she told me that, it became my goal).  But, I'm throwing all of that out, and concentrating on baby steps.

What's my motivation?  A new start 10 months from now.