You know those people who know everyone, have offers for things to do all the time, and are generally the center of the party wherever they are. I'm not one of those people, as a matter of fact, I'm pretty much the polar opposite of that. I tend to make really deep connections with people, and save my 'friend' energy for a very small number of people. I have been truly blessed with a few VERY close friends. I was thinking of them last night, and I'm in awe of what an eclectic group I've put together. I was daydreaming (at night) about what would happen if they were all in the same room at the same time.
One of those friends is more of the first type of person I described. She would be the one in the room that introduced herself to everyone, and would find something in common with everyone (which I assure you would be no easy task). She makes friends easily, she very outspoken and well-liked, she has a fantastic strong personality, and she fights for what she believes in. Honestly, that's how we became friends. She is a really amazing woman, and one I very much strive to be like (not so much the social butterfly part, but the assertive, won't take no for an answer part).
She has had a lot of pain and trauma in her life. She is definitely a survivor and not a victim, though, and has used that pain to better the community in which she lives. I wish I could write well enough to make you like her as much as I know you'd like her if you met her, but I know I can't capture her charisma in words. You really have to be around her. Why do I care if you like her? Because she's in pain, and I want people to care about others who are in pain.
She is currently in a hospital. She's the talk of the town. If she had been diagnosed with diabetes, or a heart condition, or cancer, people would be pulling together for her and praying for her recovery. She wasn't, though. She is in a mental hospital. She had a psychotic episode, and she was involuntarily committed. She's not some crazy person that we must be afraid of. She's a mom, a friend, a daughter, a wife, a community activist. She works, she's super smart, she's AN ASSET TO THE COMMUNITY. But, is the community pulling together for her and praying for her recovery? Nope. They are trash-talking her. It pisses me off. The stigma of mental illness has long-been a sore point with me.
That stigma is one of the reasons people don't reach out when they are feeling pain. They don't want people to think they are crazy or unsafe. Unlike diabetes or heart disease or cancer, mental disorders are (at least initially) easier to hide. Lots of people think any mental 'issue' is a sign of weakness.
People, we have to spread the word that mental health is no different than physical health. Seriously, why is a hormonal imbalance in the brain any different than that of the pancreas? (I know I only have one reader, and she happens to be in the mental health biz, but I'm on a soap box and I'm not getting down just yet.) We have to break down this stigma. We have to care about people in pain. Untreated mental illness can be a fatal disease, let's start taking it seriously, and stop blaming those afflicted.
2 comments:
I feel too overwhelmed to comment adequately on this post. It's beautiful and true and urgent and enraging.
We imperatively need to do everything you said. I guess we just start one person at a time. Calling it out, speaking out the way we would if someone in our company made a racist comment. We encourage people go to the national alliance on mental health site, http://www.nami.org/ and pay special attention to the "stigma busters" section. I also think you should forward nami a copy of your post, they would DIG it.
Your friends are very lucky to have you.
I feel honored and humbled my post moved you. I'm also a little embarrassed I didn't know you had responded until now! I thought blogger would send some sort of unmistakable message that someone had commented on my blog....I better check my settings.
My friend is out of the hospital, but I've not seen her. I'm trying to give her a little space to reconnect with her family, but I did send a card so she would know I'm here if she needs me. I know she is still in pain, and I know she is trying to figure out who her friends are at this point.
I love her, and I hope I have conveyed that to her. I hope that I can contribute to society by breaking down some of the stereotypes and stigma. I will check out the NAMI website.
Thanks again, friend. It really does mean a lot to me that you value my writing at all. Your friends are lucky to have you too ;)
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